Hello My Friends,

I hope you are all enjoying a day for rest and time with your families. Make the most of the celebrations held in honor of our great country and lets keep this wonderful experience safe for all time.

Happy Capitalism!

How can you tell which men are fathers?

Generally, as they are the workhorses of the economy, a good rule of thumb is, if they have harness marks on their shoulders from pulling a heavy load over a long distance with some rough patches along the way and for a very long period of time that have earned the esteemed title of Dad.

Fathers are the economic engines of our capitalist democracy and on this day they deserve our thanks, respect, and gratitude for having divested themselves of most of their personal desires and invested their time and resources into their families and communities.

Father’s Day is the holiday that celebrates accountable men who might appear old to their children but are, in fact generally young men who have willingly accepted tremendous social and economic responsibilities.

Through their selflessness fathers help their children develop so they can participate as contributing members of society. They also give generously outside the home. Some of the bounty we enjoy in our communities can be directly attributed to the efforts of fathers working in concert.

They volunteer and donate money to make sure that there are healthy sports leagues, community associations, historical societies, PT A’s, and other activities that help children learn the necessary basics of discipline, team work, self respect and community spirit.

Fathers make extremely long term investments in their children.

The regular expenses related to providing a child shelter, food, clothing, education, supervision, transportation, and entertainment, to age 18 is significant to say the least.

When the fees for post-secondary education and the opportunity cost of raising a child are taken into account, the final tab is in the range of $600,000 per child. No wonder fathers often refer to their children as priceless treasures.

The relationship between fathers and the economy is best described as the relationship between the keeper of the magic wallet, that never seems to be run out of cash, and the suppliers who want to satisfy the needs of his family.

Imagine the reduced cash flow to piano teachers, skating coaches, driving schools, George Lucas, and Tim Hortons without the regular sponsorships of Dads.

Given the tremendous investment fathers make in their children and communities, it begs the question what do they expect in return?

Not much really.

A little peace and quiet every once in a while, an occasional round of golf with some pals, children who grow up to be people that they like, communities that are safe and clean to live in, an enthusiastic and vigorous relationship with their spouse. And generally less headaches.

To all the fathers who make this world a better place to live keep up the good work and enjoy every second of your special day, it only comes once a year and is always too short!

Happy Capitalism!

I had a real hoot with all of the comments that followed my blog on negotiating my way out of acquiring a dog for my daughter Madeline (original article here).

Here are some starting with my Mother.

Loved the story about the pet.  I guess I was too warm hearted when faced with promises like: “We’ll take care of the dog. We’ll walk it, clean it etc,etc etc.” In real life, I ended up fulfilling all those promises! And more than once… The dogs were in addition to quite a few gerbils who ended drowned in the toilet or attacked by the dog. Let’s not forget the kangaroo mouse that jumped out of glass fish tank and right into the toilet!!!

Love,

Maman

Here is a sampling of others:

Duchess Expenses:

Food $30 mth $ 360 year
Insurance $50 $ 600
Vet +/- $ 700 (Annual check-up & shots)
Dog Walker* $500 $6,000

Total: $7,660 per annum

If both parents are working full time and child is not old enough to walk the dog without supervision, a dog walker is an absolute must! I walk the dog for an hour every morning and my dog walker takes Duchess for an hour later in the day. A tired dog is a good dog.

This summary doesn’t include puppy school, and other training I did with the dog when she was younger (Duchess is about to turn 11) – can’t exactly remember but let’s estimate $500. Nor does it include the cost of the dog at $400.

So, in short, good negotiating on your part with Madeline!

Nancy

Many thanks Lou,

That’s an absolute classic.

Someday I’ll tell you about our experiences with our three boys and mammals of assorted sizes. The two consecutive pay raises wiped out for emergency surgery on our dog (“But Dad, you can’t let Rusty die!!”).within the first two weeks of a new contract do come to mind. For $1G, you came out waaaaay ahead!

Stay well,
David

Hi Lou:

Thanks for the interesting story. I am quite the dog person, but I completely understand your position. Dogs are lots of work, and can be lots of money. My own dog, a lovely mutt just over a year old, swallowed a ball at the dog park, and that ball wasn’t going to exit from her on its own. $1,700.00 and a couple of days later the vet delivered one hell of an expensive ball. That new truck I wanted isn’t happening as chunk of change was allocated towards a down payment!

But on a good note, at least when I do get that new truck, my buddy will be beside me.

Have a good one and keep up the great work.

AJ

Lou, Thanks for the heads-up. I was looking for a low cost/healthy source of protein meal. Now with Adam and Eve in my back yard eating the grass (don’t have to mow as much either), with some romantic music in the background; I’ll be looking forward to some nice meals later in the summer.

Bon appetit!
Peter

Excellent Lou, our guinea pig is already five and still too healthy. Last year I finally caved and we have a 14 month old Shepard/Lab. Great dog, too much work for my wife Sue. We bought her on my terms. I will walk her only twice for week and never pick up the doodoo. Sue agreed, and I like Caesar on my terms.

Take Care,
Blaine

Lou,

You are totally twisted You could have just told her that $1000 is four month’s income for a typical Ukrainian.

Cheers,

Chris

Don’t know whether to laugh or cry…

We’ve got two dogs (Molly came home in December from a Native Reserve), three cats, and now Lianne has ‘kitten fever’ again. I’ve firmly put my foot down.

I figure I’ll come home to a new furry face within three months.

Mike

You’re crazy man! Can’t believe that worked. Hey, wouldn’t a Nintendo Wii be a good alternative? As for the guinea pig. My friend had one himself thinking that it wouldn’t last long. He was pissed when it was still alive after 17yrs.

Rev

Great story. So when Lily asks for a puppy I’ll just send her to you. Then I’ll get off cheap!

Nick

Thanks for setting the bar !!!!!

Paul

Lou

I hope she never comes home with the idea of having a pony…..

Craig

Get the kid a dog.

So hilarious Lou. Great great story.

Cheers,

Darryl

Dr. Phil may have something to say about that….love the story Lou. $1000…you forgot to say if that was in Canadian currency or if she beat you down into paying her in Euros.

Jordan

Hey Lou — Thanks for sending the link to the blog entry. But I have to say, I side with the guinea pig! I had several of them growing up and loved them. And a few of them met their untimely ends when my dad was trying to shoo them out from under the bed and accidentally bopped them on the nose with the broom handle– so if gets too much for you to bear you can just follow suit:)

Melissa

Lou,

That article was so funny! I have to pass it onto my friends! I think you surely have found the makings for your next career move, as a comedian! My sister and I laughed all the way through it!

Adam

LMAO!! You are piece of work my friend!! I love it!

Dave

Hi Lou:

After reading how you negotiated the Maddie-Daddie contract I’d like to revisit my request to have you speak to a group of clients this fall. One proviso – no agents allowed under the age of 8 (just in case she’s had her next birthday by the time we next talk).

Paul

Lou…

Great story but as a dog owner/lover I must disagree … Its hard to put a price tag on the unconditional love and therapeutic nature of dogs … Plus, sloppy kisses are the best

Jeff

You the man Lou baby you the man. You obviously believe in the same concepts as me. If you throw money at a problem the solution is usually quicker to arrive and secondly, spend the money now and save multiples of it later.

Mo

That has to be the smartest thing I heard in a long time.

I do understand because I’m not a pet person, but it seems that everyone else is.

Thanks, hope everything works out.

Bill

I recently had to face a hard dilemma that  involved my 6 year old daughter Madeline.

She is the center of my life and I would do anything for her, but when it came to getting her a dog I had to say “no”. Neither my wife nor I are pet people. We’re not plant people either as evidenced by the withered remains of potted things that litter our porch.

I tried to reason with Madeline but she was set on owning a pet and was wailing and crying in anguish. She  told me that she wanted to give her love to a pet and that she was ready to take care of a dog. I had been saying no to her for a couple of years regarding owning a pet. We bought some time with Goldie the gold fish – who lasted one day.

I had gone to a Leafs game and when I came home Goldie was floating at the top of the water. Unfortunately my wife and daughter had given Goldie her evening meal. It turns out there was enough food in the water to feed a run of tuna . Next we got a beta fish, Coral, who lasted about four months before doing the one-eyed side stroke at the top of the tank.

I heard Madeline’s need to connect with a pet in a new way when she was crying. She is an only child and doesn’t have brothers or sisters to engage and because of the busy street we live on there’s no community of kids playing out front of the house she can run with. Her tears almost brought me to tears as her pain overwhelmed me.

The long term commitment of a dog got me searching for a somewhat less long lived mammal that might meet her needs and reduce the years of indentured servitude that I as the beast-keeper would have to endure. Which brought me to the guinea pig.

The guinea pig is a member of the rodent family from the Andes, as I learned from Wikipedia. They estimated that it could live for between 4-7 years. The guinea pig has a need to socialize with others so the recommendation is that you have at least two so the rat doesn’t get bored and start chewing the enclosure that you have built to keep them from going about and chewing up the cords to computers or lamps.

I would have to say that the best part of the Wikipedia entry was the section on guinea pigs as food.

Yum!

Apparently the residents of the Andes region consume 65 million of the rodents every year. The meat of the beast is said to taste like the dark meat of a chicken and has a high protein value and low cholesterol. Lovely.

Now that I had found a pet that could conceivably only be in my care for 4 -7 years I introduced them to Madeline. She was enthralled. We spent time on the web looking at sites with guinea pigs and videos of how to care for them and that’s when the honeymoon ended. One video suggested that the animal could live for 10 years which was a set back.

Like a convicted criminal I could take 4-7 in a deal but 10 was too long a stretch for this old man.Now let me be frank with you my friends I did analyse what I might have to be called upon to do initiate an exit strategy if a pet was bought and absolutely had to be terminated with all due prejudice.

Angel of Death

My pal Ron was quick to tell me he offed his daughters cat after it sprayed on his computer so I knew where to go if I needed some wet work done.

And then it came to me. I’m not a farmer, pet owner, or assassin. I’m a capitalist and that’s when I realized that I could negotiate my way out of my dilemma. I started the bidding at $100 if she would forgo the residency of a pet in my home until she graduated from college. This was money that wouldn’t go into her education fund but could be used for anything she wanted. Madeline quickly rejected my offer.

Now I have to tell you that Madeline is a very special child. When she was three years old she came running up to me as I came through the door from work and asked daddy can I have some money. Thinking she wanted the change from my pocket I said of course my love how much do you want. To which she replied $20,000. Picked her up – kissed her – and said victoriously “You Are My Child”! I also went and wrote her a cheque for the amount to go into her college fund.

Over the last three years I have taught Madeline to play poker, Monopoly, Risk, Clue  and chess in an effort to help her improve her numeracy and literacy. She has gotten pretty good at these games and has been known to skin her Dad more often than not in all of the above pursuits.

I quickly raised my bid to $200. Again my offer was rejected. We went back and forth till we got to $1000.00 and by which time I put it in terms of currency she could understand. I told her she could buy ten American Girl Dolls with that amount of money. She said she needed to think about it for a day.

As I was about to leave she said “Daddy let”s close this deal”. I wrote up a Maddie-Daddy Contract and a cheque and had the contract witnessed by my wife.  Now $1000.00 may seem like a lot of money but when you calculate all the time and money spent on pets I say I got the best of a bargain.

Happy Capitalism!

PS – Reader comments can be found here.